someone get that fucking seahorse.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
