I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
