I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
