With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
