The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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