i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
