oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
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