i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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