Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
