I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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