Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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