2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
