wrigley field is MILF paradise
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
