I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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