First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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