be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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