So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
