So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
