Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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