i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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