i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
