it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
