On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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