I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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