I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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