At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
