its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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