First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
