Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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