I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
