this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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