it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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