Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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