Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
