Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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