It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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