is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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