There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have post one night stand depression
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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