I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
