I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
