we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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