my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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