I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize