They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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