Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
