I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
