I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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