I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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