My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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