yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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