Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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