What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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