I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
