Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
