you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
