apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
