Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
