Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
