Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
