mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
