I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
