Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
