Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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