he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
