i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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