you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
