Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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