I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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