Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
