Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
