Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
