I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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