He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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