I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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